A disingenuous phrase has crept into business conversations (at least ones I’ve been a part of) the last few years:
“I don’t disagree with that.”
The phrase is, of course, almost always followed by the speaker disagreeing with something someone else was saying.
The person I first heard use the phrase was a sales person - a generally positive individual. Perhaps his use of the phrase began as a way to soften points of real difference. Unfortunately, its use has spread. Now it serves as a telltale sign that somebody is throwing you a small “agreement bone,” only to zing you with a major point of contention masquerading as concurrence.
Here’s an alternative: actually listen to what someone is saying and find something on which to agree.
From there, legitimately build on the point of view they’re sharing. You might get so far in agreement you don’t have to go back and point out what you don’t disagree with!
1 comment:
I've got two more to add -
"I tend to agree with that." This phrase has 100% deniability. After someone used this phrase in response to an executive comment, she walk over to me an privately told me that she doesn't agree with anything the person said.
"I agree with you 100%, but..." One of my managers used this with me for several months, and he used it so rarely that I never caught him in the heat of a discussion. I made a mental note to really watch for this phrase. Eventually, the manager used the phrase, and immediately, I cut him off with a, "Great! If you agree with me 100%, then this conversation is over." We both laughed and continued our discussion about our differences in opinion. After that, he only said he agreed with me 100% when he really meant it.
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